i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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