They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
worst night to have a conscience
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
