she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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