I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
