if i can run in heels then i can drive
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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