I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
