this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
