Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
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