you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
