i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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