the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
