I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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