$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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