So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
As shirtless as possible
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I love you.
Bad choice
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