I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
