I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize