Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
