Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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