My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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