We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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