If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
