I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
