you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
