She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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