Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
