So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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