i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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