If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
of course. lets lasso hookers.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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