I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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