I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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