He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
