No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
