I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
