I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
