Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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