Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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