Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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