I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
