Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
