Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
