I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
