...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
