i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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