In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
