i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
smell my finger.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
