my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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