Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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