What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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