She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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