can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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