So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
