Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
