the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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