she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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