So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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