i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
