Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
