I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
