I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
