I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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