I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
