Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
