so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
