I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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