6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
