Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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