he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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