He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
