Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
