You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
