I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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