Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
