their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
