If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
