the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
